EnglishAhkam: IELTS Writing Sample with Examiner`s comments/feedback: A School Map

IELTS Writing Sample with Examiner`s comments/feedback: A School Map

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for the changes to school site in 2024. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons when relevant."

Write at least 150 words.

Student`s answer:

The diagrams indicate the alterations being made to the school from 2004 to 2024 to accommodate for the predicted increase in student numbers from 600 to 1000. In 2004, the school only has one car park with a path leading from the main entrance to the sports field. The path seperates the two school buildings which, together with the sports field, are located north. Trees are present north, north-east, east and west of the school. In comparison the school planned for 2024 has two car parks and three school buildings. The path in the 2024 plan links building three to building one and two, which are planned to be joined together by building infrastructure. A road is envisioned to connect carpark two with car park one. In addition, the sports field will be reduced in size and relocated south of its previous location below car park two. The surrounding trees remain in similar positions only requiring a few trees to be repositioned or replanted around new infrastructure.

These changes to the school buildings, road, path, car parks and sports field aim to house the extra 400 students planned to be attending the school in 2024. The only decrease in size of any point of the school from 2004 to 2024 is the sports field in order to accommodate school building number three.

Examiner comments 7.5

Task Response
This is a very accurate description of the two diagrams, which covers every aspect of the information shown. There is nothing inaccurate or irrelevant in this response with regard to content. It has a clear introductory sentence, and a summing-up at the end.

Coherence & Cohesion
The middle section of the response is logically arranged by year, though this first paragraph is rather long and could usefully have been split into three. Cohesive devices are few, but flexible, and help the reader when they are used.

Lexical Resource
The range of vocabulary used is quite wide and precise, and includes several low-frequency items used appropriately. Errors in word choice and spelling occur rarely.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy
A wide range of grammatical structures and all punctuation are accurately used throughout, but this criterion is not a 9 as the choice of tense could be more precise and consistent.

Source: Official IELTS Practice Materials 2

Another example of a decent answer:

The two pictures compare the layout of a school as it was in the year 2004 with a proposed site design for the year 2024.

It is clear that the main change for 2024 involves the addition of a new school building. The school will then be able to accommodate a considerably larger number of students.

In 2004, there were 600 pupils attending the school, and the two school buildings were separated by a path running from the main entrance to the sports field. By 2024, it is expected that there will be 1000 pupils, and a third building will have been constructed. Furthermore, the plan is to join the two original buildings together, creating a shorter path that links the buildings only.

As the third building and a second car park will be built on the site of the original sports field, a new, smaller sports field will need to be laid. A new road will also be built from the main entrance to the second car park. Finally, no changes will be made to the main entrance and original car park.

Source: IELTS Simon

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